How can I be proactive against child sexual abuse?

• Begin by teaching your child the anatomical names (vagina, penis) for their body parts as soon as they can speak.  

  • Do not use nicknames for these body parts. Predators use ambiguity around body parts so that it's not clear when children speak. (Example: "Uncle touched my cookie" is very different from "Uncle touched my vagina"). 

• Go over body rules and consent with your children before they can even speak. Continue this conversation throughout childhood.

  • Teach your children that they have total bodily autonomy and that absolutely no one can break their body rules. 

  • Children should not be forced to break their boundaries, even if it's "just a hug," even if it's a family member. Tell your family member that you are teaching your child that their family respects their boundaries and consent and that is more important than any hug given. If that family member is still mad, oh well. Your child knowing that they can trust you is more valuable than any other person on this earth.

• Make sure your child knows that adults never ask kids to keep secrets. 

  • A surprise is something fun that will be revealed soon, like birthday surprise or a Christmas present. A secret is never meant to be told. Children should always tell their trusted adult if another adult asks them to keep a secret.

• Do not teach your children blind compliance. 

  • Children do not need to blindly obey and respect adults. They should question authority when it is appropriate. Teach them when it is appropriate. (They will inevitably make mistakes during this learning process).

• Allow your child to follow their gut. Praise them for following their intuition. 

  • If someone "feels bad" or makes your child feel uncomfortable, that is all that matters. A child may not be able to articulate why someone makes them feel icky or uncomfortable. Ultimately, it shouldn't matter. If your child feels uncomfortable in a situation, your job is to remove them from that situation and do not guilt them for this (even if it is a family member that makes them feel uncomfortable). 

• It is rarely a stranger that sexually abuses a child. 

  • Be very diligent about who is around your children, especially unsupervised. Sleepovers and family babysitting type situations can often be opportunities for sexual abuse. Know every person who will be in the home with your child when you are not there. Make sure your child has a way to get in touch with you, if they are old enough.

• Make sure that, above all else, your child knows that they can tell you anything and that you will not react negatively. Keep your promise to not overreact!

  • If your child discloses sexual abuse or assault to you, react neutrally and then take proper steps to address the issue, such as calling the authorities. 

  • Allowing a church, or other non-legal governing body, to "handle" this type of situation is never an acceptable response.

• Believe your child if they disclose to you. 

  • Be mindful of the fact that children rarely fully disclose immediately. Often, children will send out "test balloons" to see how you respond.

Who needs a forensic interview?

Any child who has witnessed or experienced sexual or physical abuse, drug use, domestic violence, or any other violent crime (such as homicide, kidnapping, etc.) may need a forensic interview. 

Who can't get a forensic interview?

Adults cannot have forensic interviews unless they have intellectual disabilities that impair their ability to answer questions and explain experiences. Many forensic interviewers will interview an 18 year old, if they are still in high school. This will vary by jurisdiction.

How can I schedule a forensic interview?

Although this will vary by jurisdiction, generally only law enforcement can schedule a forensic interview for a child. Some jurisdictions allow child protective service investigators to schedule forensic interviews. Parents are not able to schedule forensic interviews. If you feel that your child needs a forensic interview, you could call your local law enforcement agency and request a forensic interview. Another option would be to call your local Child Advocacy Center and ask to speak with an advocate. An advocate may be able to point you in the right direction. If your child has experienced sexual abuse, they need a forensic interview. Remember, not all law enforcement officers specialize in this area. Some law enforcement officers may be amazing but it's possible they are not familiar with the forensic interview process.

How should I prepare my child for a forensic interview?

Do not talk to your child about the allegations. A forensic interviewer will ask your child who has spoken to them about the allegations and what that person told them to say or not say. Make sure that your child is wearing comfortable clothes, is well fed, and is not tired. If your child is questioning where they are going, you may want to say something like "a child advocacy center is a place kids go to make sure their bodies are safe." Do not promise them a treat for talking in a forensic interview. Even if well intended, this could sound very bad in a forensic interview (and it will most likely come up).

What happens during a forensic interview?

Your child will go with the forensic interviewer to a child-friendly room, usually with toys and coloring/drawing materials. This room is sound-proofed and set up with audio and visual recording technology. Only the child and forensic interviewer will be present in the forensic interviewing room for the interview. Parents and guardians may never be present for a forensic interview. During the forensic interview, usually an advocate will meet with the parent / guardian. Get the contact information for your advocate! Even if you don't feel like you need services now, you may want some in the future. Also, your advocate will (usually) go to court with you, even if your court date is very far in the future. Always ask!

What should we do after a forensic interview?

Your child may be very tired and/or hungry after a forensic interview. Don't make plans for the rest of the day until you know how they feel. They may want to relax or nap after their forensic interview. This is totally normal. Do not ask your child what they talked about in their forensic interview. If there is pending litigation, this could harm the case. Follow up with your advocate, if needed, to determine the status of your case.